Bad Online Daters

I am forever disappointed that this (married) dickbag apparently blocked me before I could send that last message. Not that I believe that a single fucking word I could say would ever get through to him, but still. Sigh.

This is the guy who couldn’t even figure out that this site has a real profile anywhere on it, btw.

okcdouchebags:

badonlinedaters:

I was looking at my visitors on OKCupid, and one of them was a white dude with a screen name something along the lines of “Poor Black Child.”

What the fuck, y’all, I don’t even know what to do with this.

Steve Martin did a movie called The Jerk, it starts with him…

Okay, that kinda makes sense now. I hope that’s what he was referencing. People need to understand that if their screen name sounds offensive without context, it’s probably a bad name to choose.

Applicable definitions of Q-Tipping:
1. Having vaginal sex while a tampon is inserted.
2. Pulling out and ejaculating in partner’s ear.
3. Taking a shit in partner’s ear and then sticking dick in to “clean out” the shit.
I’m not really sure I want to know which of these dude was referring to, or how he thinks it’s relevant to the match question.

Applicable definitions of Q-Tipping:

1. Having vaginal sex while a tampon is inserted.

2. Pulling out and ejaculating in partner’s ear.

3. Taking a shit in partner’s ear and then sticking dick in to “clean out” the shit.

I’m not really sure I want to know which of these dude was referring to, or how he thinks it’s relevant to the match question.

okcreepsters:

Honestly if you want to go down on me for that long, I’m probably going to fall asleep. It’s pretty boring.
Also ughhhhh. Not interested in hearing about your thick cock.

Honestly, if it normally takes you 30 minutes to get women off doing oral,  you’re probably really bad at it. 

okcreepsters:

Honestly if you want to go down on me for that long, I’m probably going to fall asleep. It’s pretty boring.

Also ughhhhh. Not interested in hearing about your thick cock.

Honestly, if it normally takes you 30 minutes to get women off doing oral,  you’re probably really bad at it. 

okcupidescapades:

clogging isn’t slang for anything so i can only assume this guy wants me to do folk dancing in a porno

Actually, I found these on Urban Dictionary:
1)The act of stuffing as many people as possible into an enclosed water slide, typically with the goal of setting some town or other municipal record. 
2)The act of clogging up someones ass with an inanimate object such as a broom handle or a pool cue.
So now I’m picturing all possible definitions of “clogging” happening simultaneously, and it’s frickin’ hilarious.

okcupidescapades:

clogging isn’t slang for anything so i can only assume this guy wants me to do folk dancing in a porno

Actually, I found these on Urban Dictionary:

1)The act of stuffing as many people as possible into an enclosed water slide, typically with the goal of setting some town or other municipal record. 

2)The act of clogging up someones ass with an inanimate object such as a broom handle or a pool cue.

So now I’m picturing all possible definitions of “clogging” happening simultaneously, and it’s frickin’ hilarious.

I was looking at my visitors on OKCupid, and one of them was a white dude with a screen name something along the lines of “Poor Black Child.” 

What the fuck, y’all, I don’t even know what to do with this.

Oh dear, I think I made him mad, y’all.

I’m sure he’s composing some bullshit message about how he just clicked random boxes on the match questions even as I am hitting the Block button.

So he wrote to me to tell me he doesn’t know what to write to me, to tell me he can’t tell if I’m attractive, and to dis my guitar. Negging 101 right here, y’all.
Also, I’m not naked in the photo he’s referring to. Horny dudes’ brains see what they want to see.

So he wrote to me to tell me he doesn’t know what to write to me, to tell me he can’t tell if I’m attractive, and to dis my guitar. Negging 101 right here, y’all.

Also, I’m not naked in the photo he’s referring to. Horny dudes’ brains see what they want to see.

Also, can someone tell this guy that “female” is an adjective, not a noun? 

Also, can someone tell this guy that “female” is an adjective, not a noun?